It started badly...I was attending a nearby shul (synagogue) which had been recommended to me by one of my interview subjects. Surprisingly, I didn't get lost on the way there, which is a very big accomplishment for me if you know my lack of directional awareness. But as more and more men entered, I quickly realized I might be the only woman there! It was an Orthodox synagogue, so women sit in a separate section divided from the men. So there I was, sitting all alone, behind the mechitzah (separation), watching a group of men do their prayers in Hebrew. I didn't have much of a clue as to what they were saying because the siddur (prayer book) didn't have any English translation, and I felt really awkward, disconnected, and lonely as the only woman sitting directly behind what was basically a wrought-iron gate. Thankfully, one of the men brought me a siddur with English translation, so I could sort of follow along.
Next they all began singing. So amazing! They sounded incredible. I'm not used to hearing only men sing, especially with so much vibrance. My little solo pity party in the women's section didn't last too long once I heard them sing.
But after the service, everyone was leaving pretty quickly because their wives were at home and dinner was waiting. I was looking around for someone named Avi, a friend of my interview subject, so I could attend dinner with his family. The problem was that I had only spoken to Avi on the phone several days earlier, so I had no idea who he was in the sea of men. Suddenly everyone had scattered and I found myself in the dark with a group of middle-aged men who told me to follow them to dinner. Picture this bizarre scenario: me walking several yards in front of this group of much older men to an unknown destination - generally not a great plan. But in this case, they were all members the shul and were trusted by someone I trusted. Plus I had just seen some of them leading the service, so I felt safe - just very confused and alone! I felt the tears welling up as I wondered what I was doing. But having no other options and coming that far already, I decided to suck it up and just go with the flow. Sooo glad I did!
On the way to dinner, a younger man who had been trailing behind the group introduced himself as Avi. Aha, the mysterious guy existed after all! Next we entered a beautiful home, where I was greeted warmly. And the dinner...oh, the dinner! It is one that will live in my memory. We are talking a multi-course array of gourmet kosher goodness that just seemed to have no end. I asked who actually made the feast and was told they have a cook who does it (!) So apparently the generous family, though humble, is very rich. The father goes on international business trips at least every other week. They offered me cognac after dinner and had bottles from several countries, as well as a really nice collection of expensive wine glasses and cognac glasses...but one small glass of wine during dinner was plenty for me.
Besides the food, the company was spectacular! There was a mix of ages, from a small boy to an elderly woman. I actually spent most of my time talking with the men because their English was better than the women's. So fascinating - we talked about women's roles in the synagogue (my research topic! yay!) including the separation of men and women and whether or not women should study Torah. I have to say here, with respect and sincere appreciation of their view, their explanations were very male-centric. I've been doing a lot of reading on these topics and speaking to various interview subjects, but for the most part the opinions I heard tonight were much more traditional than what I've been exposed to. Sometimes in situations where I disagree, I stay quiet and just listen (especially if I'm interviewing them), but this time, I wasn't interviewing them, and I felt comfortable enough with them to share my thoughts and ask a lot of probing questions - but with a spirit of learning and curiosity, trying not to come across as judgmental. We had lively conversations on these topics and several others, and much laughter and singing followed.
The whole dinner was such a treasure! I only regret that I met these people right before my departure. They all asked when I'm coming back - and I'm asking myself the same question. God willing, I'll return someday.
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